| Love on the Internet | |
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With so many responses, how would you choose just one man? BJ says, "I think you can feel people." She trusts her own intuition about the men. Most of the time, she finds that she has been right.
So far, BJ has met 10 of the men who have contacted her. She gives a few guidelines for other women thinking of trying the internet as a dating service.
- Take time to get to know the ones you are interested in. BJ suggests exchanging emails, going into chat rooms, and using instant messenger to communicate before going to personal contacts.
- Have a list of things you DON'T want in a man. With so many responses you have to narrow the field somehow. One thing BJ does is ask their age. She won't even talk to anyone who is younger than 39 years old. Some of the younger men are persistent and say that they like older women. She responds to them with, "but I don't like younger men." Some seem to find that hard to understand.
- Exchange pictures and information. Only one man has sent BJ a nude picture! BJ says she can tell a lot about the men from their choice of pictures. Some of the men admit outright that they are married. They may say that their wife is sick or that they are in the middle of a divorce. BJ lets them know right away that she doesn't want to get involve with anyone who isn't completely free and available.
- Don't give out your phone number or address or place of employment. Ask him, instead, to give you his phone number. When you call him, have your number blocked so that he can't have access to your number or be able to trace the call. This is a precaution in case you find that your judgment has been wrong and you need to terminate your ties to this man.
- Most men will give you their full name and where they work. Do a little research. Check out his credentials. Always be cautious when dealing with someone you meet over the internet. There are a lot of nice and interesting men out there; there are also some kooks. Make wise decisions.
- Always be polite. Whether you are in a chat room, on Instant Messenger or talking on the phone, what you say tells a lot about who you are. BJ says she's astounded at how some women come across in the chat rooms. A lot of time, it is very unflattering.
- Be truthful. Don't waste your time or his pretending to be someone you're not. Sooner or later, the truth will come out anyway. This doesn't mean that you have to give out a lot of very personal information, though. You can be honest and discreet at the same time.
- If you are seriously looking for marriage, don't pretend you're not. BJ says that she openly admits that she would some day like to remarry. So far, she has received 5 marriage proposals.
- After much communication, if you decide to take the next step and meet in person, make sure that you meet in a public place. Some good choices are restaurants, parks, or coffee houses. BJ says that meeting someone for the first time can be awkward. They agree ahead of time to let each other know if they think they aren't "clicking." Usually when they meet, they say something humorous like, "well, here we are...." BJ has met 10 of the men that have written to her. She has ended the meeting almost immediately upon meeting a couple of them. Even though one flew from Texas to meet her and another traveled over 4 hours, stick to your instinct, and determinate meetings that you feel aren't in your best interest. This is easier if you only agree to go for coffee or a drink, instead of planning a whole evening out on the first meeting.
- Have fun. Make lots of new friends. Don't panic or give yourself a deadline. Let love take its course.
Don't pressure yourself. Take a break from the internet and look for someone the old-fashioned way. Maybe the next person you meet at work will be the right one for you. After all, love does make the world go round.
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